彼氏に「他に好きな人ができた」とふられてしまった場合、「復縁は無理なのかな…」と考えてしまいますよね。
でも、実は元彼が他好きした、というだけでは「復縁できない」とは言い切れません。
むしろ、他好きよりももっと復縁が叶わない理由や状況は存在するのです。
今回は復縁が無理なパターンの共通点や、絶対に無理・無理そうだが可能性は残されている・諦める必要のないケースをそれぞれ紹介していきます。
自分がどのパターンに当てはまるのかぜひ参考にしてみてください。
復縁が無理なパターンの共通点
別れた際の状況やその後の2人の関係性は破局の数だけ違ってきます。
ただ、その後ヨリを戻すのは無理だろう、というパターンには幾つかの共通点が存在するものです。
連絡が取れない・話を聞いてくれない
復縁を叶えたい場合は、タイミングを計りながらアプローチをかけていくことがどうしても必要となって来ます。
しかし、話を聞いてくれないなど会話が成り立たない、会話する機会を避けられるという場合は、彼の状況を伺い知ることはできません。
対面での会話はおろか、LINEやメール、SNSなどを通してのやり取りもできないような状況ならなおのこと、彼があなたとのつながりを避けたい・断ちたいという意思を表しています。
彼との復縁は無理と考えた方がいいでしょう。
価値観が合わなかった
価値観とは、幼い頃からの習慣や、互いが出会うまでに積み重ねて来た経験に基づいて築かれて来た考え方。
どんなにお互いのことが好きだったとしても、そう簡単に相手に合わせることはできません。
だからこそ、価値観が合う恋人・夫婦同士は長く続きやすいですし、反対に、価値観が合わないということは、日々の些細なことでもズレや違和感を感じやすくなります。
チリも積もれば山となる、という言葉もある通り、ひとつひとつは小さくとも、ズレや違和感は積もっていくと互いにとって大きな負担やストレスとなってきます。
もしかしたら彼は別れる際に、その原因としてお互いの価値観の違いについては言及しなかったかもしれません。
けれど、もし考え方の違いによる衝突などに心当たりがあるのだとしたら、「他に好きな人ができた」という言葉は、あなたよりも自分と価値観が合う人を見つけてしまった、ということを表しているかもしれません。
元カノであるあなたの愚痴をいつまでも言い続けている
別れた後も自分のことを話題にしてくれている、忘れないでいてくれている、と喜ぶ女性もいるかもしれませんが、話題があなたに対する不平不満ばかりなのだとしたら、楽観視はできません。
それでもまだ、事実に基づいた話である場合は、特に別れたばかりであれば気持ちの整理をつけている最中なんだな、と捉え、時間が解決してくれることを待つという手もあります。
ただ、中には元カノを悪者にしたいがために作り話まで始めてしまう男性も存在します。
こうなってしまうと、もう手の施しようもありません。お付き合いの最中はどんなにいい人だったとしても、彼のことは忘れた方がいいでしょう。
復縁が無理なケース。当てはまる場合は諦めた方がいいかも
どんなにあなたが復縁を願っても、諦めるより他になさそうなケースというのはどうしても存在します。
紹介する内容に当てはまる場合は、復縁は断念した方がいいかもしれません。
あなたが彼から嫌われてしまっている
恋愛だけではなく友人同士であっても、その関係が続くためにはお互いに信頼関係があることが前提となります。
しかし、元カレと付き合っている間に、彼にとってどうしても許せないことがあった。別れる際にあなたが彼の人格を否定した。
あるいは、あなたにとっては愛情表現のつもりだったかもしれなくても、彼にとってはそうとは受け取れないような言葉を度々口にしていた。
このように、彼の中であなたの存在がとても受け入れられない状態だと、信頼関係も何もあったものではありません。
復縁することはすなわち、自分が傷つくような事態が再び訪れる、と元カレが感じている可能性も高く、復縁なんて考えられない、となるのは自然な心理といえます。
たとえあなたが信頼を回復するために努力したとしても、友だち関係に戻ることすらもかなり時間をかけないと難しいため、復縁は絶望的な状況といえます。諦めた方がいいでしょう。
別れた後も身体の関係だけ続けてしまっている
付き合っていなくてもセックスができる女性は、男性にとっては煩わしさがなく、とても都合が良い存在。
しかも、元カノであればお互いのことをよく知っているため、新たに知り合う女性よりセックスを楽しむことができますよね。
あなたとしては、身体だけでも繋がっていればいつかは復縁も、という考えから了承したのかもしれません。
しかし、彼の中ではあなたはもうお付き合いを考える対象から外れてしまっているのです。そこから逆転するのはとても難しいもの。復縁は夢のまた夢、と諦めた方がいいでしょう。
元カレに直らないと致命的ともいえる欠点がある
女性や金銭にだらしないなど、直らないと致命的ともいえる欠点を持っている元カレなら、どんなに好きでも復縁を考えるより次の恋に進んだ方が賢明です。
というのも、こうした彼自身が本気で直したいと行動しなければそう簡単に直るものではないからです。
また、こういうタイプの男性はあまりお付き合いする女性のことも大切にしていません。
彼にとっては、自分が望む時に性欲が満たされたり、側にいてくれる。あるいはお金を工面してくれる女性であれば、あなたでなくてもいいとです。
その欠点以外はどんなにいい人であっても、こうした癖は今後もあなたをトラブルに巻き込みかねません。
「他に好きな人ができた」と彼があなたから離れてくれたことをラッキーと思うくらいがちょうどいいのかもしれません。
一見無理そうだけど復縁の可能性が残されているケース
今の状況では復縁は難しいかも……一見そんな風に感じられても、まだ可能性が残されているケースも存在します。
これから紹介する状況に当てはまる場合は、復縁を諦めてしまうのは早計かもしれません。
返信はないもののLINEをブロックされていない
別れた元カノと2度と関わりたくない、と考える男性の中には、相手のLINEをブロックしてしまうという人も少なくはありません。
逆にいえば、ブロックされていない間はまだあなたからのメッセージを受け取っても大丈夫だと思われているということ。
もちろん、別れて間もない頃からガンガンアプローチしてしまっては、彼にウザがられてしまう可能性大。結果としてブロックされてしまう恐れもあります。
感情のままに復縁を迫ってしまいそうなら、まずはその気持ちが落ち着くまでは期間をあけること。そして、あなたの中で2人が別れてしまった原因を整理しましょう。
そうすれば、あなたに悪いところがあったなら、反省の意を示す。そして、お付き合い当時のことを感謝する。そうしたメッセージを送れるようになるはずです。
ただ、彼が返信をくれる心境になるまで少し時間はかかるかもしれないので、期待しすぎないということも忘れずに。
喧嘩別れしたものの、顔を合わせる機会がある
喧嘩別れしてしまった場合、気まずさからなかなか謝る機会を作りにくいもの。
また、そもそも別れることを選んだ時点で、わざわざ終わった喧嘩のことを掘り返してまで2人の関係を修復する、というアクションを起こす人の方が稀です。
ただ、あなたが元カレと会う機会があるのなら、再び会話をするきっかけも作れるはず。
そして、会話さえできるようになれば、冷静に喧嘩の内容を振り返り、必要なら謝ること。そしてその上で仲直りする道を探ることもできるはずです。
友だちに戻りたいと言われた
恋人として一緒に過ごそうと思うと、女性の側にそのつもりがなくても、なんとなく「束縛される」「行動を制限される」と感じる男性は少なくありません。
もしかしたら元カレもそうした心境になったのかもしれませんね。
ただ、友だちに戻りたいという言葉には、お付き合いはできなくても、彼の中にまだあなたと過ごしたいという思いがあることを示しています。
もちろん、一度は別れたあなたとすぐにでも復縁したい、と彼に思ってもらうことは難しいかもしれません。
それでも、友だちとしてでも関係を持ち続けられているのなら、チャンスはまだ残されているということ。
最初は友だちとして適度な距離を保って接していく中で、もう一度あなたと恋人として一緒にいたいと意識してもらえるように行動していきましょう。
遠距離が原因で別れた
遠距離恋愛はなかなか思うように一緒にいられないことなどから、交際を続けることを断念してしまうカップルも少なくはありません。
ただ、世の中には確かに一緒に過ごすことはほとんどできなくても、長続きしている遠距離恋愛カップルもいます。
現代はさまざまな連絡手段も発達していますし、会えなくても頻繁に連絡を取ることは可能です。
また、会えない間にお互いに自分の時間を大切に、人として成長していくことを心がけていれば、その行動は2人の関係にとってプラスとなるはずです。
元カレとあなたが嫌い合ったわけではなく、距離のことが原因で別れたのだとしたら、諦めずにいれば2人に合ったいい方法を見つけていくこともできるのではないでしょうか。
復縁を諦める必要のないケース
別れの原因によっては、復縁を諦めてしまうことがむしろもったいない、というケースも存在します。
もちろん100%復縁できる！と断定することはできませんが、以下のケースに当てはまる場合は、すぐに諦めてしまうのはやめた方がいいかもしれません。
元カレに新しい彼女ができた
新しい彼女ができたからといって即復縁を諦めなければならないわけではありません。
どうしても彼でなくてはならない、彼とやり直したいと本気で願うあなたの情熱と覚悟は、付き合いたての新しい彼女よりきっと強いはず。
もちろん、新しい彼女からすぐに彼を奪おう、2人の仲に割って入ろうとする行為は厳禁です。
しかし、あなたの情熱と覚悟が、元カレに合ったタイミングで伝われば、新しい恋人との別れやあなたとの復縁の可能性は十分にあり得るのです。
彼から、あなたに直して欲しいところをいくつも指摘された
別れ際に、あなたに直して欲しいところをたくさん指摘されたら、それだけ嫌われているということなんじゃないか、と感じるかもしれませんね。
ですが、別れた後はもう2度と関わりたくない、どこでどのように過ごそうとも自分には関係ない。それくらい嫌っている相手なら、わざわざ別れる時にそんなことを伝えようとはしないでしょう。
あなたにここを直して欲しいと伝えたということは、裏を返せば、そうした悪いところを直すことであなたに幸せになって欲しいという彼の思いがあったということなのです。
もちろん、そうした直して欲しいポイントがあったからこそ彼はあなたとの別れを決意した、という事実は変わりません。指摘してくれたからといって即復縁することは難しいでしょう。
ただ、彼が指摘してくれたことに感謝し、あなたが誠意を持ってしっかりと悪いところを直す姿勢・変化するところを見せることができたなら、彼が復縁を考えてくれる可能性もあるのです。
別れの本当の原因を知り、復縁に向けて頑張るかどうか判断しよう
一口に「他に好きな人ができた」と別れを告げられた場合でも、それだけが2人の終わりの原因ではないケースもあります。
理由によっては、やはり復縁は難しいかもしれません。それでも、と復縁したいという気持ちだけで動いてしまえば、ますます彼に敬遠されてしまうことにも繋がってしまいます。
2人の別れの本当の原因を探り、復縁に向けて頑張るか次の恋に生かすか、慎重に考えましょう。
そうすることが、ゆくゆくはあなた自身の幸せな未来につながっていくはずです。
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